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Poem "What Makes A Mother"  

What Makes A Mother?

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today,
I asked what makes a mother,
And know I heard him say


”A mother has a baby
this we know is true
But God, can you be a mother,
When your baby’s not with you?

“Yes you can,” he replied,
with confidence in His voice,
“I give many women babies,
when they leave it is not their choice.”

Some I send for a lifetime
And others for a day
And some I send to fill your womb
But there is no need to stay.”

I just don’t understand this God.
I want my baby here
He took a breath and cleared his throat,
And then I saw a tear.

I wish I could show you
What your child is doing today,
If you could see your child smile
With other children and say

“We go on earth to learn our lessons
of life and love and fear.
My mommy loved me oh so much
I got to come straight here.”

I feel so lucky to have a mom
Who had so much love for me,
I learned my lesson very quickly,
My mommy set me free.

When she goes to sleep,
On her pillow’s where I lay.
I stroke her hair
And kiss her cheek

And whisper in hear ear,
“Mommy don’t be sad today,
I’m your baby
and I’m Here

So you see my dear sweet one,
Your child is okay,
Your baby is in My home
And this is where he’ll stay

He’ll wait for you with me
Until your lesson is through
And on that day you come home
He’ll he at the gates for you.

So now you see what makes a mother.
It’s the feeling in your heart.
It’s the love you had so much of,
Right from the very start….

Author Unknown


Poem I wrote to my baby a few days after his death  

God sent me an angel
Why did he have to go?
I had my perfect little son
With him I had so much fun

You were my little man
You had a good short life
When you were taken from me
It cut me like a knife

I loved that little baby
I would rock and kiss and love
And now I can only do that again
When I meet him in heaven above

How I long to feel him next to me
To kiss is chubby cheeks and toes
To stroke his soft warm back
And kiss that cute little nose

His hair I would love to smell
As I gently rocked him to sleep
Now God above has taken him
Forever Him to keep

I can’t believe the bond I felt
In such a short little while
I would give absolutely anything
Just to see his smile

I would just sit and stare
At this precious little boy
How perfect he really was
He gave me so much joy

I cherished every moment
So grateful he was given to me
I miss my little man so much
I don’t know why this has to be

I love you so much baby Owen
I am so sorry I wasn’t there
To find you in your time of need
The thought I cannot bare.

Good-bye my beautiful son
Mommy loves you so so much
One day I will come to you
My journey to you has just begun


Jolene Lingnau


His Story  
We had planned our beautiful baby right from the start and he was a work in progress the first attempt. His older sister Janaya was born on May 30,2005 so he would be due March 1st, 2007 which would make them 21 mos apart. I had an excellent pregnancy, no troubles at all except for he was 5 days late. I had gone I for my non-stress test that Monday morning (Mar 5) and everything was fine, baby was great. So went home planning to be induced a few days later on Wednesday of that week. Then that night,at around 11:30 I lay in bed starting with the ever so common braxton hicks that I always got, and they just kept coming and getting stronger. I waited about an hour before I decided that this was it, I woke my husband Tim up and he said “Can I go back to sleep?” I said NO, get up and get ready, they are like 2 minutes apart. I went and had a quick shower, packed the last minute things and off we went. We got there about 2 am and things were going well, I was 4 cms dialated and she could feel the membranes bulging so she called the doctor to come and he was going to break my water. This meant I had to wait for him and could not go in the hot tub(which really helped when I had Janaya so I had requested it) Doc finally arrived at 3:30am and I was already 8 cms. He broke the membranes and the contractions got really strong and frequent. Shortly after, we had to start pushing, and it was 1 ½ hours of hard pushing and it was so painful, as I don’t believe in epidurals. The vacuum had to be used as he just wasn’t advancing. It slipped off 4 times before it finally worked and out he came, sunny side up at 4:43 am on March 6!! BEAUTIFUL baby boy, weighing 8 lbs, 11 oz and right from birth he was adorable!! We were both so excited we now had a daughter AND a son, what more could we ask for?? Everything was perfect, he nursed immediately and we were sent home the following evening. He was a good baby but as he got older, he had his fussy times. Boy did he have a set of lungs on him!! He was so adorable, he had a full head of dark hair and everywhere I went, people would stop me to admire this cute little boy!! I loved that baby boy SO much, he got 1000 kisses a day from me. He was almost 12 weeks old and I had a busy week getting ready for a specialty dogshow that I was on the committee for, and with Tim being away working up north a few hours away, I was on my own. I would take advantage of sleep time and get things done then. There were only a few hours in a day that both kids were sleeping. I washed windows that day, May 28th, Owen had a great day, he was happy, smiling at me every time I looked at him, he nursed well, he was perfect!! He was awake from 2:00 until 7 which was odd as he usually would have taken a nap between. I decided to bath him as I could see he was getting tired. Janaya helped wash his hair and put his lotion on afterwards and we dressed him in his Tigger sleeper and sat on the rocking chair. He had just nursed before his bath so he wasn’t hungry, so I gave him his soother and rocked him to sleep. This was at about 7:30. I was surprised at how fast he fell asleep, but I just assumed it was because he was awake for so long he was just really tired.I didn’t know he was going to become an angel that night. I held him for a bit, then I laid him in his bed. I turned on the Angel Care monitor I have(which I have put great faith into for both kids, never ever sleeping without it on, no matter where we went, it was under them!!) It senses breathing motion and will alarm after 20 seconds if there is no movement detected) little did I know, that I forgot that I had put it to “sound only” 2 days prior as he was sleeping in his still swing and I had to go out and cut grass, so I wanted to hear if he was crying from the swing. I forgot to switch it back to motion and sound, but I thought it was on. After I laid him to sleep for the last time, I sat on the rocking chair with Janaya and spent time with her before her bedtime which was at 8:00. I put her to bed, went back in his room to check on him and close the blinds before I went out to tackle the spring kennel cleaning duty. He was fast asleep and had been for ½ hour. I knew that he would sleep until I woke him for his 10:30 pm feeding before I went to bed. I went outside and was in the kennel and for some reason(God’s will??) DIDN’T take the baby monitor with me, and it never dawned on me the entire time. This is very unusual for me as I am very diligent about my babies. I came in the house at 9:45 and stood in the porch to listen and it was quiet, no baby crying and no beeping monitor, both kids are sleeping (or so I thought) so I thought I should go finish up e-mails and shut the computer down before bed. It was 10:10 when I came upstairs, I walked into his room and he was laying face down and I thought to myself “How can you be breathing like this” I then glanced at the monitor and noticed the motion blink was NOT ON!!!!!! I flipped him over and his right arm flopped over and I knew by the color of his face he was dead!!!! It was white with blue lips he was still warm . I started screaming “OWEN, OH MY GOD, MY BABY, MY BABY!!!!” I ran to the phone, put him down on the hardwood floor and started CPR while calling 911. I was so frantic and screaming I couldn’t even tell them where I live as I am on an acreage. They said a land location and I just said YES JUST GET HERE, but the numbers were not ours, so it took them ½ hour to get here and we are only 11 kms out of town, it should have taken 5 minutes. Remember, I was alone with the 2 kids…..I hung up with them and called my husband at our cabin, where he stays to work and he just cried and yelled NO!!!!!!! and he said it brought him to his knees. He yelled at God “God why are you taking my son??” He soon got himself together and got in his truck to make the 2 ½ hour drive. Tim had been away working and we hadn’t seen him in a week. When we left the lake the last time, he had tears in his eyes which he never does when we go, was this a sign?? Also he had a preminition 2 days before and 2 weeks before, all of a sudden, the verse “God giveth and God taketh away” came into his head. He thought he may loose his job or something, not our son!!
The ambulance finally arrived and they took Owen inside and I jumped in and that was the most dreadful thing. Watching them peform CPR on him and then the monitors are all silent, I knew he was gone but wanted all the necessary things done just in case….We got to the hospital and some of my friends and family were there waiting along with the pastor and his wife. I was in the quiet room for only about 5 minutes before the Dr came to tell us he was gone. I then had to wait for my husband and that was the worst. I just sat there in emotional agony, and I could literally FEEL pain in my heart from this emotion. What an absolute nightmare…… I couldn’t believe this was happening. Tim finally arrived and I told everyone else to go and we just stood there crying in eachothers arms. I had waited to go see Owen until Tim came and I almost wish I never did because I will never forget how he looked and felt. His eyes were partly open and they looked dry, and he was as white as a sheet. He was COLD, COLD COLD!!! I got on my knees and cried for my baby, I kissed his head and told him how much I loved him. I then went to have a final look at his little feet and I kissed his toes which I spent hours kissing and playing with when he was alive. We then went home at 2 am and the neighbor had been here with Janaya, who was awake from all the commotion. She was very happy to see her daddy as he hadn’t been home in a week. He was happy to see her too but we were so filled with sorrow it was hard to smile. I sat down on the chair and told her what had happened, she then took my finger and pulled for me to get up saying “Baby Wake, Baby Wake” she took me into our room and had to have a look in his crib to her disappointment and confusion he wasn’t there. Her birthday was 2 days after this, so all the family was down anyways, we tried to make her have a happy one and I think she did. The funeral was a week later and that whole week was so difficult. It was hard to even get up and eat or drink or do anything. The service was nice, we had a slideshow of his life with nice music and some lovely readings and poems to celebrate a beautiful little boys life.
We loved and cherished this child so much and will never ever forget what a blessing he was to our lives. Thanks so much Owen for being a special part of our lives, we can’t wait to see you again!!
WE MISS YOU SO MUCH Little “O-Dawg”!!!

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